Thursday, February 9, 2012

Blue Ink Progress Update #2-- Edits


I learned way more about vampires in one night than I ever wanted to know in the space of ten lifetimes. o_O I hate to say this, but it was kinda intriguing. I mean, there were vampires before Twilight, people..... they were actually interesting once. :P They're actually pretty sad. I want to write some weird redemptive vampire story now.....

Anyway, it was brought to my attention that Fabian realizes his vampire-ness too quickly/easily. And I agreed. I just wasn't sure how to alter that.

But thankfully, there exists such a thing as Google Search :)

Thanks to wikipedia and a few vampire-edia sites, I was quickly updated on all things vampirical. I then applied that and altered the first scene after he wakes up.

I'm not going to say anything stupid like, "Now it's perfect!" But I certainly think it's a start.

Whaddya think??








o_O

A little better, maybe???

6 comments:

Hannah Joy said...

Love it! Christoff is my favorite character. Don't ask me why. He's cool. But I like the reaction a lot better this time. I'm no expert on vampires (read: I know nothing about them), but this is still cool. It's something I would never expect to like (me not liking vampires so much) but I do like it! It's...clever, to put it mildly. :-D

Charley R said...

I like this a LOT better - I wonder what Christoff MEANT that potion to do ... must have been something strange to illicit such funny side effects I'd say, haha!

Great work! :)

The Director said...

@Hannah
Well don't look at me, it was Corey's idea :) And I'm glad you like Christoff! That makes me happy :)

@Charley
Hooray! Glad you like it! *whew*
I know, I'm not quite sure how Christoff meant it to work... I haven't bothered to ask him xD

Farjag said...

Way cooler, if you ask me! I'd freak out if I couldn't see myself in a mirror!

Chris said...

Anyone have a release date in theaters on this yet?

Seriously, this would make an epic movie. Get going!

I know this is just a rough draft, but, um, the last line shown. "I can't let anyone know" sounded slightly cheesy. The rest was awesome, but that last line seemed out of place. Maybe alter it into something like...you'll think of something. Other than that, awesome! I know I'd go see it on opening night. Already its looking a lot better than some of the other movies that have come out about vampires lately, none of which I have seen or ever want to see.

The Director said...

Good one Farjag :P

And Chris, thank you! :) And yes, depending on how it's delivered that last line definitely could come out cheesy..... it'll probably get altered in the next draft. Thank you for saying something! Sometimes I'm not sure if I thought I wrote it clumsy, or if I really did write it clumsy xD