Wednesday, April 4, 2012

a jumble of thoughts, if you'd care to hear them

Hey y'all.

Not much goin' on here.

Just tryin' to do my schoolwork, and recover from getting platelet injections last Thursday.

In case you have no idea what I just said, I got my blood drawn and shot into the ligament in my ankle to repair it.

It really hurt.

But hey, experience points ;-)

For some reason I've really liked listening to pop music lately.... hm. I think it's pop anyway. Maybe pop/rock.

Did anyone else watch American Idol tonight? I really love Skylar Laine. She sang "Wind Beneath My Wings" and killed it. Her voice is gorgeous. And her dress was gorgeous.

She's like, the coolest girl in the world. I think it would be awesome to be her.

I'm writing a pirate story with the help of a very good friend. It's really fun.

I wish I was a pretty ballet dancer. But I'm just a ballet dancer. Whatever.

Is this what they call angst?

For our voice recital for spring, I think I'm gonna sing "How to Save a Life" and dedicate it to Sierra.

I'm so gonna cry if I do it.

^ this says book idea all over it.
or movie idea.

Being injured and basically an invalid for a week has improved my disposition, I think. I'm way less grumpy these days.

Suffering just does that to you.

I really like this guy's motorcycle.

I also like this guy a lot. His name is Cloud. Incidentally, he's not actually real.

I amaze myself. I seriously fall in love with fictional characters. It's almost frustrating.

Is this whole thing too girly for my guy readers? Sorry.

I wish I was somewhere else a lot of the time. Okay, not really. But when I wanna go somewhere else, I really wanna go somewhere else. Someplace pretty.

I've been super emotional lately. I've cried for no reason twice in as many days.

Yup, I think I'm angsting.

Apparently that's not a word. I don't care.

For some reason, seeing pictures of planets, or galaxies or nebulas... anything off my own planet... makes me really emotional.

I think I would want to be an astronaut if I didn't have to wear all that stupid equipment.

Which leads me to my life wish... to live in a sci-fi novel.

Probably an Orson Scott Card sci-fi novel.  Maybe I could go tag along with Ender and Valentine across the universe. That would be cool.

Life is changing around my place. I'm gonna get my permit one of these days. I'm thinking about what I want to do with my life. Another person is coming to live with us. Granted, he'll be staying at my grandparent's house, which is next door... but our family has been bumped up to 9, not counting the pet.
It's gonna be a new chapter of life.

I don't handle change too well. This new season of life will be a blast, I know.

But things change. I angst. I have to grow up. I angst. I wonder about the future. I angst.

I'll get over it, I promise. Just lemme finish crying first.

Girls just do that.

You know, cry.

I really feel bad that this wasn't really edifying or encouraging... except (maybe) for the pretty pictures.

I guess I just needed to let things out somewhere. I'll be fine.

anyone else's heart ache a little?

If you're still reading, you're wonderful.

Just drop a comment and let me know how your life is going, huh? I wanna hear how the rest of you are doing.

You all are the best followers ever <3


Charley Robson said...

*cuddles Abby*
I feel your angst. Heck, I have a lot of days like that - not as many as I used to, but a lot when life stresses me out. LOVE those pictures - teh one of the street is actually one I'm using as an inspiration for a sci-fi/steampunk story that I'm hoping to start sometime. At least, I would if I had the time xP

Ahaha, good ol' Cloud Strife. King of the Angst, but a pretty cool character ... not that you can blame him for angsting after all he has to put up with. How does he even lift that blasted sword is what I'd like to know! xD

Hope you cheer up and feel better soon - and rememeber, you could be me, buried in 'orrible revision for uber-important exams, massively over-commited, with swollen feet and a strong desire for rest I don't stand a hope in heck of getting, lol.

We wubses you *hugs*

Josiphine said...

I totally understand the 'falling in love with fictional characters' dilema. Joe Willard! :) Hope you feel better.

The Musical Dancer said...

You are not a pretty dancer? When did you get that idea??? I know we aren't as good as N__a bit still! I think you are a gorgeous dancer!

Did that make you feel better? Or are you just thinking "Oh yeah, she's doing that to cheer me up" or something like that?

No, I'm not. End of story!! XD

Hannah Joy said...

You know, I have never seen you dance, but I've seen pictures of you, Abby, and you are one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen because...well, your smile. Every time I see a picture of you with that smile, I wanna be a better person. And I'm not lying or sprucing up the facts to make you feel better.

And about being emotional a lot...guess what, I just recently figured out that that is what girls do. Unfortunately, I do it all the time. Sometimes, though, it's best to just get it out. You know, have a really good cry. Read a sad book or watch a sad movie or cut onions so that you have a sort of excuse if someone asks, and just cry. Punch something (your pillow, not the wall. You don't need a broken fist too). And pray. You don't need to say words exactly, just show God how you feel, and then focus on Him. Remember that He is God, if you know what I mean.

This was my favorite post from you in a while, and that's saying a lot. It was honest and down-to-earth. Straightforward and relatable. It makes me feel better that I am not alone. It's funny how God keeps reminding me that. I read emails or letters or blog posts like this and I realize this world isn't so lonely as it's cracked up to be.

God blesses you with words to speak. I always read these posts and am incredibly touched at the honesty and eloquence with which you tell that honest truth. Eloquence that doesn't have to be said with fancy words, but the eloquence of simplicity. And I'm so thankful for that. :-)

As for longing to travel, yep. Except, unfortunately, many of the places I want to go to are...hehe, fictional. You know, Middle Earth, Narnia, Anniera, etc. etc. I guess at the end of the day, I just figure that heaven/the new Earth will be all those things and so much more. And, in the meantime, I just sing the Normals song, "Best I Can":
"This is what I have been given
And I will make the best I can
There's this joy we find in living
And the love that's in our hand"
It's a really good song, and it captures what I feel so perfectly that again I am struck by that thundering, I. Am. Not. Alone.

And, if all that doesn't help, just remember that Jesus said, "I have overcome the world." There is hope. There is faith. And there is a God who has overcome the world.

And the pictures were amazing. Saved a couple of them to my inspiration folder. Just sayin'.

Hannah Joy said...

Wow. I just realized that was really long. O.o Sorry about that. :-P

The Musical Dancer said...

That was long Hannah XD, but it was so true! I doubt anybody could have said that any better!

Georgianna Penn said...

I'm sorry about the tears. I hate crying. That's why I don't do it to often. Try not to at least. :P

I saved those last two pictures in my "wanderlust" folder. Maybe it's the curse of the teen generation, the insane urge to go explore the world. Sadly, at that point most of us don't get the chance to do it. Sad thoughts.

Pathfinder said...

Yes, it's normal for teens to cry for no reason sometimes. I've seen guys do it. I've done it. I think it's part of growing up. I know that sounds clichè, but I really do. We all hit there, and I know how you feel. Wanting to travel just away (Scotland), falling in love with fictional characters (still not telling anyone), injuries (860 page hardback falling on foot, nice cuts and some pretty bruises from sparring with a friend...), and just frustration in general? Yup. You're so not alone.

You'll get through; you're tough (and you have God on your side).

Endurance and Victory!

Everyone's Favorite Composer said...

I love you girlie! I will come visit you again and we can talk about antagonists and music and pirates and food and stuff. Maybe tomorrow. And I love the pictures you put!

'Slippers said...

Oh. :(

Life really sucks sometimes doesn't it? Especially when you're upset for no particular reason. I definitely know exactly how you feel though.

And just for the record, the way you honestly laid things out here is pretty cool, because I have a feeling a lot of people will be pretty touched, and maybe even comforted, by this. Like other people already pointed out, there's something great and constantly surprising about being reminded that we are not alone.

I guess the lone ranger most have been a miserable person huh?

Hope you feel a little better soon Abby!

Lauren S. said...

When I'm feeling "angsty" I write pages and pages of sad poetry. :)

Sorry to hear you're not feeling so good. Feel better soon!

Lauren said...

I love you, I really do. This entire post was great. It reminded me of being in my own head! ;) And it's true. We girls? We cry! Just got done crying like, 15 minutes ago, actually. Ha. Stressful day, you know how it goes ;) Well, be cheerful, girly!
Much love,
Lauren :)

Riah said...

Aww I'm sorry about the change... and the crying, but it'll all come out in the wash :D
And at least you are a ballet dancer... I wanted to be one, but never got too. And I'm pretty sure you're very beautiful!

Lady Amy said...

It would of course take a sad post to persuade me to finally creep out from the nice dark corner and comment. But I do reserve the right to creep back. Just so we're clear. :)

Abby, we're girls, we cry, it's what makes us awesome, and besides, what on earth would the guys do with themselves if they didn't have to comfort us anymore? Anyway, my sympathies, I don't handle change well either. Or rather, I know that the change is going to be awesome, and my brain is happy, but my emotions never got synced to my brain. I should probably speak to the doctor who delivered me, I'm sure it's all his fault. :)

Seriously though, hang in there and feel free to cry on your blog, it'll help.

Just promise to post awesome pictures too. :)

Hannah Joy said...

@Lady Amy: "what on earth would the guys do with themselves if they didn't have to comfort us anymore?" Hahahahahahaha! It's so true!

Miriam Forster said...


I am also angsting. (And I say it IS a word, so there) Angst over my upcoming move, angst over starting a new job, angst about finishing up edits. EVERYTHING IS CHANGING AAAAAHHHH!

But your pictures are awesome. I would totally live in those green quiet spaces. Also you are awesome and all will be well. :)

Jake said...

Mmmm. Hearts ache sometimes. And that makes life better, because when we don't ache, we have a better appreciation for it. :)

I ache a little for Kansas. You ought to go there - it's a great place :D

For the record, I pace instead of cry. *shrug* I either pace because my mind is consumed with something - like a tough theology question or general miserableness - or I have good ideas for a novel. Either way, pacing does me good :) I end up feeling plain thoughtful.

But in the meantime, it's Easter, the day of the greatest triumph of life: HE IS RISEN!

I get shivers whenever I say that. (:

Corey P. said...

I also like this guy a lot. His name is Cloud. Incidentally, he's not actually real.

ROFL! I love your sense of humor, Abby. :D Praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I fall in love with fictional characters too! Haha. By the time I'm done with a book I feel as if I've known them my whole life!

Plink. said...

Wow. This is really heart-string tugging (awkward phrase? sure. totally true? Yes.).
I ran across your blog round-a-bout-ish way (don't ask), and I find it--putting it simply--SoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO cool!

My aspirations of late have been begging me to write, (screenplays, novels, the like) and this is the chicken soup for it!

You hit the nail here.

Thus says the little middleschooler,
Kismint Plinkington

Anonymous said...

Just watched Advent Children the other day, totally LOVE Cloud.
And I think we all have days where we'd love to live inside our favorite story, I know I do. And things tug at the heart, the throat constricts, tears come to your eyes and only gravity is holding you in place.
Movie recommendation, if you can get it: Space Battleship Yamato (2010). Great story, great characters, wonderful sci-fi film :D


Eruantien Nenharma said...

I know how you're feeling. I've cried several times this past week for various reasons. It's no fun, and besides that, it gets one's pillows all soaking wet when you're trying to get to sleep.

And as far as living somewhere else goes--I totally do that. I wish I could live in Ireland, or Africa somewhere, or Australia...or Middle-Earth. *shrugs*

I don't know what to say to help; I'm sorry. Just remember, you're the most beautiful person on Earth. EVERYONE is beautiful to God, and He loves you and all his children.