Friday, December 6, 2013

letting the Lord speak, second guessing, and animated movies because what post would be complete without them.

Where did we leave me last?

Frustrated with art in Michigan, I think.

I've been pretty darn frustrated with everything. See, I got a big enough glimpse at the secular world, and suddenly I see art, self-expression, in a new light: selfish. vain. meaningless. I've hated it. Hated the pursuit of it. Hated the fact that it's such a part of me.

I've tried to suppress it. It also bugs me, just devoting my life to art, because it's not practical. I've kind of kicked myself into a new direction. I'm considering nursing. It's practical. It's useful. 

It also requires a lot of math and science and Heaven knows my brain does not comprehend much in the way of sciences. But I'd like to try and work hard for something that I think I could be confident doing. You couldn't really be critical of someone taking care of people, right?
But I don't even need to look beyond myself to find a critic for choosing a life of creativity.

So it's actually ridiculous the amount that the Lord speaks to me through animated films.

I was just scrolling through facebook and someone shared this video. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I watched this clip and I didn't know why but I totally started crying and now the song is on repeat as I type.

You may or may not cry.

After showing it to my family, my mom pulled me aside and told me something.

She told me about someone who is a very creative person, but when she was 18 or 19 chose instead to try and be practical. And she never really amounted to much in terms of career. She tried to stem what she was gifted with and do something 'better.'

And my mom doesn't want me to do the same thing. Because if God has given me gifts and a passion, trying to do something else, in my own power, is be trying to be something I'm not. And I'm doubting Him, ultimately. I hadn't thought of it that way before today, but it's true.

As long as I'm abiding, doing what I know I'm supposed to be doing, I'm glorifying God through obedience. And if I am somewhere He doesn't want me, He will tell me.

So I shouldn't quench the things He's given me a passion for.

I'm still trying to find balance. Make sure I don't fall into meaningless art, self-expression that does not honor God. Filmmaking in particular comes with a lot of compromises and I don't know how to navigate that yet. With God's help, in time I will.

But the fact that the scene in the clip above moved me so much means fiction can't be totally useless.

In fact, I have an amazing friend who has been sharing things the Lord has been showing her through fictional stories. And it's been such a needed reminder. Because anything that can be called 'good' points to God in some way.

And heck, I guess God invented art.

Of course, if I am called to something like nursing, or teaching or something less 'creative', it'll be great. If it's what my Creator wants me to be doing, then doggone it, I'll do it to the best of my abilities and depend on Him.

But right now there's a fire in me that I'm trying to ignore and it's been making me miserable.

I suppose I ought to just let it go and stop trying to be perfect.


Here's to using what God's given us and walking in His will; to not disregarding our gifts and being who we've been created to be.

(it's like Jack Frost too because he was searching for his purpose and was freed up once he understood his gifts and how he was supposed to use them see what did I say about animated movies)

If God's given you a fire for something, a gift- use it. It could be anything. Literally, anything. And maybe other people don't see it or don't get it. But when you're using what God has given you, when you are who you are, it's even more breathtaking than that ice castle in the sunrise.

Imagine if we all simply abided by the Spirit and let ourselves go and did the incredible things, big or small in the eyes of man, that we have been given the ability to do, working in harmony and unison as the body of Christ.

Wouldn't it be beautiful?