Friday, December 6, 2013

letting the Lord speak, second guessing, and animated movies because what post would be complete without them.

Where did we leave me last?

Frustrated with art in Michigan, I think.

I've been pretty darn frustrated with everything. See, I got a big enough glimpse at the secular world, and suddenly I see art, self-expression, in a new light: selfish. vain. meaningless. I've hated it. Hated the pursuit of it. Hated the fact that it's such a part of me.

I've tried to suppress it. It also bugs me, just devoting my life to art, because it's not practical. I've kind of kicked myself into a new direction. I'm considering nursing. It's practical. It's useful. 

It also requires a lot of math and science and Heaven knows my brain does not comprehend much in the way of sciences. But I'd like to try and work hard for something that I think I could be confident doing. You couldn't really be critical of someone taking care of people, right?
But I don't even need to look beyond myself to find a critic for choosing a life of creativity.

So it's actually ridiculous the amount that the Lord speaks to me through animated films.

I was just scrolling through facebook and someone shared this video. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I watched this clip and I didn't know why but I totally started crying and now the song is on repeat as I type.

You may or may not cry.

After showing it to my family, my mom pulled me aside and told me something.

She told me about someone who is a very creative person, but when she was 18 or 19 chose instead to try and be practical. And she never really amounted to much in terms of career. She tried to stem what she was gifted with and do something 'better.'

And my mom doesn't want me to do the same thing. Because if God has given me gifts and a passion, trying to do something else, in my own power, is be trying to be something I'm not. And I'm doubting Him, ultimately. I hadn't thought of it that way before today, but it's true.

As long as I'm abiding, doing what I know I'm supposed to be doing, I'm glorifying God through obedience. And if I am somewhere He doesn't want me, He will tell me.

So I shouldn't quench the things He's given me a passion for.

I'm still trying to find balance. Make sure I don't fall into meaningless art, self-expression that does not honor God. Filmmaking in particular comes with a lot of compromises and I don't know how to navigate that yet. With God's help, in time I will.

But the fact that the scene in the clip above moved me so much means fiction can't be totally useless.

In fact, I have an amazing friend who has been sharing things the Lord has been showing her through fictional stories. And it's been such a needed reminder. Because anything that can be called 'good' points to God in some way.

And heck, I guess God invented art.

Of course, if I am called to something like nursing, or teaching or something less 'creative', it'll be great. If it's what my Creator wants me to be doing, then doggone it, I'll do it to the best of my abilities and depend on Him.

But right now there's a fire in me that I'm trying to ignore and it's been making me miserable.

I suppose I ought to just let it go and stop trying to be perfect.


Here's to using what God's given us and walking in His will; to not disregarding our gifts and being who we've been created to be.

(it's like Jack Frost too because he was searching for his purpose and was freed up once he understood his gifts and how he was supposed to use them see what did I say about animated movies)

If God's given you a fire for something, a gift- use it. It could be anything. Literally, anything. And maybe other people don't see it or don't get it. But when you're using what God has given you, when you are who you are, it's even more breathtaking than that ice castle in the sunrise.

Imagine if we all simply abided by the Spirit and let ourselves go and did the incredible things, big or small in the eyes of man, that we have been given the ability to do, working in harmony and unison as the body of Christ.

Wouldn't it be beautiful?


Farjag said...

You're on to the truth there, TD! That's why I still tell stories any way I can; even if its crazy. Because in the end, if God wants you to use what He gave you (hint: he does), He'll make it very plain. So go get 'em. Take your passions, the things you love to do, and to heck with what the world wants you to do with them. Do what's in your heart, because God put it there for a reason.

Hannah Joy said...

Oh, Abby.

Crying right now. It wasn't at the song (though you should go see Frozen. Because it is awesome and Idina Menzel should be enough to get anyone there). It was at what you said. My hand slipped to my mouth.

Just this morning my dad was reading the Bible aloud to us, in Matthew. It was the story of the talents. The story of taking what God has given us and multiplying it, instead of saying, "You are a harsh master, you reap where you do not sow and gather where you have not scattered seed, so I was afraid. Here's what is yours back." (paraphrased, obviously).

I've been struggling with trying to understand why God has given me the talents and passions that He has given me and I am constantly asking for more, different ones. Like you said, "practical" ones. But the more I try to fake being what I am not, the more I find God, guiding me back. I get mad because by all appearances it is taking steps backward. The wrong direction.

The question I have to ask myself constantly is, "Why did God create me in such a way if it was not the way He wanted me to be?" That doesn't make logical sense. God made so many different people. He made the ones with the passion for writing, for filmmaking, for art, but if you look around you can see that He also made the people who fit perfectly into nursing, medical, science, psychology, everything. The world is constantly telling us to do whatever we want, as long as we go to college for it and as long as it makes us lots of money. We become trapped by the world's standards for who we are supposed to be, instead of seeing who we were meant to be all along.

Most of the time I don't even know what any of it means. For example, what could my passions even have in common, between writing, movies, music, kids, and third world countries? It doesn't seem to add up. And yet God gave us this perfect blend for us to be armed to play our part in His great plan.....however it happens to play out.

But this was a beautiful reminder. Perhaps simply a reminder that God really does know what He's doing. :-)

Jess said...

AGH. I get goosebumps at this song every time. Ditto to Hannah. Go see Frozen. It's even better than Tangled. :-) (And yeah, Idina Menzel. AGH. *screams inside*)

Anyway, like you said, there's a balance somewhere for each of us. We think we have to either deny ourselves or accept ourselves, but the reality is, God calls us to do both. Like Paul talks about, everyone is given a different gift--and what good would the ear be if it wanted to be (or felt like it had to be) a different member of the body? We are called to fulfill our purpose, and God has given us the tools we need to do so (and he always does things in the most creative way possible). And yet, God also instructs us to deny ourselves and let nothing get in the way of him. It's not one or the other. It's both at the same time. One of those wonderful paradoxes G. K. Chesterton is always writing about. (I'm rambling.) Anyway, yes, I agree with this post. Coming from someone struggling with the same sorts of this but considering you lucky you've been learning things faster than I do. I spent about a year trying to stifle different interests/gifts in search of more practical things and now it's taking a heck of a long time to recover because I'm not sure I even remember or recognize those gifts as part of me anymore. Still, through Christ all things are possible, so I'm not utterly despairing. (But let's just say Christ IS my only hope here.)

In the words of Hiccup's dad, "Good talk." Now go see Frozen. :-D

reformed squirrel said...

Oh my gosh, Abby, there's so many things I want to share with you right now, but I don't have time because I need to study for finals. Maybe I'll email you later, but I'll say this; Fiction is SO NOT useless!! :):):)

Jack said...

It is nice to hear that your mum takes such support in you and backs you in what God has called you too.

Being lead to something creative leads to problems. Everything will ask you how you plan to make money and provide for youself. But you seem to have the right mindset now. If God has called you to it He will provide. All you have to do is trust.

Jess said...

Dear Abby,

I want Pirates in the Suburbs. Please give it to me.


(Hannah wants it too so since you love her more than me you might consider that where my own plea has failed.)

(I tried to get it through World Cat but it won't let me because your library is stingy.)

T.D. said...

Thank you so much and you guys are all amazing.


(Hannah: No.)



(....I'll see what I can do)

Hannah Joy said...